He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
