i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
