forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
