Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
