i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
