i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
