I look better un-naked...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
