I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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