someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this will be a night to untag.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
