New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
