Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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