Will you blow on my dice?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
