you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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