so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
