Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
