i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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