Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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