I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
