i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
