Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
