i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
