I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
