The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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