Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
