is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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