Your face is a jimmy john
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
