Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
