I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
