i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
