We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
