we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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