I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
