4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
