i already hear my dad disowning me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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