I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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