What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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