Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
