i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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