Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
