i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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