just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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