I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's shark week go big or go home
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
