I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
