I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
