Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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