But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
