i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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