Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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