Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
