If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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