Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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