Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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